Long Winded Thoughts

Tonight we start with a quote from my favorite show:
“Music transcends words. By exchanging notes you get to know each other, to understand each other, As if your souls were connected and hearts were overlapped. It’s a conversation through instruments. A miracle that creates harmony. In that moment, music transcends words”
This quote has so much meaning to me, especially with my love of music. It has always been one of the things that really allows me to dive into the depths of my heart and soul and take a real look at the way I feel about things that have gone on and the things that are currently going on in my life.
Tonight though it really makes me think about the way that people communicate with each other through their actions and how even small actions can have a dramatic affect on peoples lives. For example, growing up I always dealt with the fear that I wouldn’t amount to anything in life and that I would be a disappointment to the people I care about. It wasn’t until someone who I really cared for showed me through a failure of their own that it wasn’t the end and that even disappointment from others can be very fleeting. What truly matters isn’t failing or even losing. It is having the ability to constantly get back in the arena over and over and never giving up. Never allowing a roadblock or a setback to be the end. Unfortunately so many people in life come across obstacles and just pack it up and go home.
Since that day I have continued to look at life from the perspective of “Never allow anything to stand in your way and stop you from doing the things you want to do. Even for just a moment.” We will all have moments where life knocks us down and pushes you to what you think is your breaking point (I know I do!) but those are the moments that will make you the person you want to become as long as you have the audacity and willpower to push through and break through.
The people who are willing to do that (willing not able, because everyone is able) are the people that truly become great. And by doing that and constantly pushing yourself to become the best you can, your actions will speak to those around you and can have drastic affects on others lives. It is important though to remember tho that the people whom you surround yourself with can push you to become better just as easily as they can sap your drive and break your spirit if you let them. This is why we (the people who are willing to push in our lives) must always walk a very fine line in our lives emotionally. If we allow the wrong types of people to become to close and stay there we can very easily lose ourselves. At the same time though if we shut ourselves off from everyone we will lose a large amount of our ability to push completely through our struggles and become the types of people we are/were meant to.
And now for a confession… I have made quite a few massive mistakes in my life and have hurt those who I consider great friends; even those whom I love dearly. To those people I am truly sorry. I know that I can never truly make up for the pain I have caused nor can I even hope to gain your forgiveness (some of you). All I can hope is that by pushing myself to become the best me I can be that I will learn how to not make those mistakes again. I know it is foolish of me to believe that I will never hurt the people I care about again but is that such a bad thing to wish and strive for? I’m sure I will fail over and over again and continue to hurt the people closest to me. All I can truly hope for is to learn from those mistakes so that I don’t make them again and that the people who I have chosen to let in will call me on them and force me to face them.
At this point in my life the only true way for me to become successful is to see the affect that my actions and decisions have on other people and the people around me. I truly wish, with all my heart and soul that I can allow one person to bask in the sunlight. If I can accomplish that in my lifetime then I will have succeeded. That is truly my only goal that I have for myself at this point. I’m sure that will change over the years but until I reach that goal I don’t think I can every truly consider my life to have meaning. I truly believe that we are in this life to achieve the best us that we can be. But that doesn’t really matter if you don’t affect the people around you in a way that truly enriches their lives.
I think at this point it is time for me to end this post (it has been quite long winded I’m sure, and if you read until this point I hope it wasn’t too boring). Before I go I would like to thank Jessica Cermak for our recent conversation as it has given me the spring board I needed to look at my life from this perspective and dive deep into it. Thank You.

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