Now that I have finally moved into my new apartment and things have settled down again I have been going through and taking inventory of my emotions and where things stand in my life.
I am extremely grateful for a great many things in my life from everything with my large bouts with depression for years when I was younger to how that shaped me into being the person I am today. Up to the heart break I have dealt with and how that has pushed me to grow as a real person and forced me to deal with my emotions.
In the past I have pressed through life and walls by using aggression and anger to push myself to a higher level. Lately though I realize that I am not angry anymore. I am actually in quite a happy place. Unfortunately, this peace also comes at a cost that I am again finding that I have to grow through into uncharted waters. How do I push through and continue to climb without the aggression. What do I use? I have been trying things over the last couple of months and still haven’t been able to find something that has the same impact on drive and feeling as aggression but I am hoping that I will figure out how to turn something as powerful as love and happiness into that drive. That way I don’t have to rely on my fiery emotions that can very easily destroy all the things around me without it being burned in a controlled environment.
I will leave you all today with a song that has been speaking to me a lot lately. Love’s Sorrow — Youtube
“You know, I discovered something. Everyone has something… Something deep inside their hearts. For some, it might have been enmity. For others, admiration. Wishes, a craving for the spotlight, feelings that one wants to deliver, feelings for one’s mother. Everyone was supported by their own feelings. I realize now that, perhaps, no one can stand alone on stage.” — Kousei Arima